“HERE I GO AGAIN ON MY OWWWWN.” -Debbie, 26, living room

I’m so glad my nun/physician assistant retired in September because since I’m MOVING TO PHILADELPHIA in a month with two mother-loving cats, Lola the Dog and that guy I married, I really only need to find a new hairdresser.

Where should we live? I look up Philadelphia rentals and I don’t know what I’m even looking for. Except for that I’m looking for a dishwasher. Are there any safe neighborhoods in Philly? My Philly acquaintances would say yes, my older brother would say “furrow brows and shrug.” He’s not a very vocal guy. But he has great hair for being 51 years old, so I look forward to my hair future.

I can ask around. I mean we have time. Like a month. That’s a lot of time in dog years…

P.S. I applied to Uber and Postmate, and I’m on the market to walk your dog. Market meaning, if you’re clairvoyant you got my application and you’ll know what it’s regarding (dog walking).

Breathing heavy and leaving now,